Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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