But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
