you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
