Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
