I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
