I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
