Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
