We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
