the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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