how can u be prego again
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize