peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
