Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
