i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
