It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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