Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
