She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
