On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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