This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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