so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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