I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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