Already got asked if we're dating
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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