either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
