Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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