Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
