i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
