Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
