That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
