The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize