do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
