Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I died a long time ago.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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