Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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