Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
