please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
