I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
