My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
