I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
