Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
