why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
