Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
