I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
