Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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