Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
