Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
