i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
