At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize