i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
