So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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