DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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