On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize