glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
