I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
