I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
