omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
