my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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