I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize