My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
where are you?
Hypothermia
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
