Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
