This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
