I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
