i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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