If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
