wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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