No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
