hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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