you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
