I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
