Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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