you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
