I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
