It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
