I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
