Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
