it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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