Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
