my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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