My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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