My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
