I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
birth control should be required to get into college
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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