I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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