Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
