I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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