Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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