It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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