i need an iv and a liver transplant
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
