were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
