i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
