I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
that may or may not have been my penis.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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