If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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