At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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