At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
