Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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