I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
