last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
