Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
